Comedy Interlude with the Air Source Heat Pump Guy
Well, the Air Source Heat Pump guy came to do a
survey of the house. This man did not fill me with confidence about
his knowledge of ASHPs or anything else. To begin with, he had a such
a thick Glaswegian accent that I struggled to understand most of what
he said : and when I did understand it, everything he uttered gave me
the impression that he knew, or seemed to know, nothing about air
source heat pumps.
This was the first live human being I had
encountered who was supposed to know about this technology, and
I was keen to ask him a few questions. When I produced my list of qs
he said, Aye, fine, goo aheed, while
continuing to measure walls for radiators.
What do you say
about the noise of the pumps? I opened.
Wha? Noo wan's ivva seed naything aboot that.
Hasnae come up.
But there are plenty of
things on the Inter -
Aye weel, AH've nivva haird of it.
So you wouldn't
know the output in decibels of one of these pumps? (I'd been primed with this question by a website that specified an acceptable db output
for an air pump.)
He looked
startled, particularly for a so-called expert. Poot
Mitoobeesha into the anterneet, it'll come up, and
he made for the stairs, to have a look at my old immersion heater (he
said).
I abandoned my
next question, which was staggeringly technical, something about the
new inverted air source heat pumps being quieter than the older
models. Something told me there was little point. We carried on in
this vein for a little while,me asking questions, him either denying all knowledge or saying something which might have been good advice but was completely incomprehensible.He told me which walls the rads
would be going on, then he handed some forms with multiple
checklists and asked me to sign them in advance, so he could then
fill them later as he was running a bit leet. I declined this
offer, and instead asked him for a card so I could get his office
number, which no one had been able to give me so far. I had seen an
0141 Glasgow number come up on my phone when they originally made the
appointment, and this was the one I wanted - BT give me inclusive calls to the old landlines, but mobiles they burn you for, and I don't get much of a signal up here on my own mobile (thanks, Voda!)
He immediately looked hunted and furtive. Ah
hovnae gort a card. Aye the number's on the van. I
followed him out to his van, watching while entered the office
number, which he couldn't give me, into his mobile. He asked the
gerrls in th orfus for the
contact details and started to spell out a mobile number.
Can't I just have
the landline, I asked. They rang me on it a day or two ago.
He eyed me with
fear and loathing, then spoke again into his mobile, asking them for
the information. He began to repeat an 0871 number, peak rate, to me.
Look mate, I
said. Your office called me on an 0141 number the other day. Can you
ask them for that? After a bit of to-ing and fro-ing we decided that
this was a good idea and the gerrls made
with the number. He then drove off ten yards down the road, decided
that this was far enough, and stopped, no doubt to fill in my forms
without me breathing down his neck.
Despite this
bizarrely unconvincing encounter I am still leaning towards heat pumps, because of
the cost (see my technical post) compared to getting fuel oil
heating. I've also just heard a horror story about solid fuel stove
heating, tales of lukewarm water, of choosing between heat and hot
water in the depths of winter, and condensation building up in flues,
dripping down in a rusty black puddle onto the Axminster. So air
source a-go go, then? I need to do some googling : I need to git
orn th anterneet!
Will
www.willwain.com